so long has this waited…
Life has constantly been changing for ever. And now I realise that we are nothing more a piece of wood drifting along a journey called life. Sometimes u get caught in a branch or dock at a rock and form a certain bond with your surroundings and other pieces of wood around. Some of them stale, some of them precious. It may take any amount of time for one to realise if where you are, or what you do is good or bad. But nevertheless as the journey progresses it leaves you with etched with character.
I do have good memories and bad. But I now realise I have no memories of my school days. Well I know where I went to school and I do have some of my classmates on my online networks, but no accounts of any conversations or anything else to remember. May be there was nothing worth remembering. Maybe no one was worth the time or effort. It does seem to be rude to think as such, but I never enjoyed my school days – not one bit. I used to hate most of my teachers and I don’t remember too many of my class mates
There are times today when a lot of people around me narrate their school time stories and all I have to say is how people at home used to coax me, goad me or even throw me into the school uniform and push me to school. Perhaps I never realised the worth of being a student until I met the right teachers.
This one is a sort of dedication to the people from whom I have learnt my most important lessons in life. I of course, have not expressed my thanks or gratitude to any of them in any way. This is also perhaps a public apology of sorts, for I may have wronged a few of them in the purpose.
Born into a huge family where there are perhaps more books than the walls can be covered with, my paternal grandfather and my maternal grandmother were the first people who encouraged my reading habits. Then came Mrs. RR – my primary school English teacher. She stood with me on the shore and let me appreciate the brilliant depth of the language and by the time I reached secondary school she had moved on, leaving me with an incredible urge to learn and explore. My grandparents were also instrumental in me discovering different other aspects – philosophy, mythology, theology etc. and the parents did their part in giving into my indulgence in music and the other hobbies. But as far as learning/writing or appreciating any piece of writing goes the credit goes to my grandparents and my dear teacher. If not for them my reading would perhaps been restricted to the dailies.
A second most important teacher has to be my biology teacher in higher secondary – Mrs. DT. She kindled the interest and that is perhaps why I am still interested in knowing why flagellate movement is so wonderfully special or which allele does what, so to say. I do feel very shameful that I couldn’t fulfil her desire of me pursuing medical genetics.
Someone who made me realise the one thing that is most important in ones life – time, Dr. MDK – our college chemistry head. Never has a single moment gone by that’s not utilised in his life. Such was his dedication and equally delicious were his musings about chemistry.
And finally the most recent… my first boss – Mr. S J. I know I may not have been the ideal kind but he definitely did his best – to make me learn, to teach me. He was all dedication and subtlety, which perhaps I can only thrive to achieve.
It goes without saying that my parents and my sister have been great influences. Patience – I am sorry dad I fear l will never have, I may never love learning as much as my mom and definitely not cook as well as her – but I do know I will definitely live upto being your molu.
[Daddy I know you keep tab of this blog, I hope to get some brownie points for this one 
]
the itch of my heart.
When you look around I may not be there, but I assure you that I am there.
I shall always be there. When you are looking for your glasses or when you need an extra blanket.
I shall do my best to make sure you have the most of the best, and the best of the most.
I would brighten up anything, even the darkest of nights just to see you smile.
I want to make your every wish come true.
If it takes the light out of my life, I’d make sure you will have the radiance of a thousand dawning suns.
The twinkle of a zillion stars when you smile, I wish to never see it out of place.
I have been gifted by luck with you, and pray you get lucky with luck.
Of things divine, may you have only the best.
You filled the emptiness in my life, may your world be forevermore brimming with wonderful moments;
Nothing but the best for the world’s Best Sister!
random love’ry ;)
Paradise or wherever this is, is a beautiful place,
I for now call it so for I am with him,
I swim like a swan in the tranquil depth of his voice wishing it were to be so for eternity.
I shall travel far and wide, if all I need is to seek a glance of his – eternal bliss.
A nice spring day with a silver cloud
Every time the hint of grey shifts and the sun shines down, it is as if he smiles.
Sparkles and twinkles here and there, lilies and daisies everywhere,
Alas, I can’t feel the delicate flowers, or the frozen mist
For in the warmth of his embrace my senses fail.
With a silent confession, a humid kiss
He gave me a ring and I, my heart.
There is no denying, there is drama in every little thing, for life is a stage in itself 
winter in chennai??!!??
I do not know if it got noticed! yesterday, around 5′ish AM, there were little white flakes floating through the air all around! all over the green leaves, and once u touch them they turn into water. In Chennai! the humid, hot and sunny city! talk about climate change!!!!
the parting note
As I lie here cold, frigid from the lack of breath,
My people around stay, wondering upon me.
What was it that made me live?
What was it that kept me alive?
What was it that I lived for?
What was it that I lie dead for now?
Dear loved one,
I lived for the sake of living. But you made it worthwhile.
You have taught me a lesson or two in life.
You were a part of what made me want to live.
It was You who kept me alive.
Through happiness and sorrow, through highs and lows.
One moment it shattered. And God bless that moment-
The moment that made me realise that my life does nothing
But instil pain and sorrow.
Adieu my Love!
Shed not a tear, for its still aches me so.
Going away, bidding farewell,
I take with me all Your difficulties and sorrow
And leave You with all happiness and joy.
There is something wrong. Something is very wrong. Is it with me or the world?
I hear that there are more women terrorists in the world, and it doesn’t surprise me. I saw the Mumbai episode and I hardly flinch.
Then when you let such trivial thoughts prevail for a while, and let it take it course in the thought process, everything falls into place.
Consider the first situation about women terrorists. Why wouldn’t they be? Look around you, all you can see is a differential treatment towards women. Lots have been spoken about religion based genocide, jihad and all that, but to a woman it doesn’t really matter. No matter what religion, belief, ethnicity, race you belong to, you got to brave the odd against lots of people everyday. It could be the helmet-clad two-wheeler rider, or the Versace clad boss, or the old guy shopping for vegetables with his granddaughter. What inflicts hurt more? Facing abuse in any form or taking a bullet through your chest? The former leaves a scar on your mind, for the rest of life, while the latter if you survive leaves a physical scar that wouldn’t hurt after healing. For those of you who have not really experienced abuse lets get a little descriptive. If you are guy, it’s like undergoing a prostate exam, only the person who is examining is not a doctor and does not have gloves on, is classified as a Pervert of the third degree, and most importantly it is without your consent. If you are girl, am sure you have heard enough and more. And oh yes, you have seen it in the movies.
Freedom is of many forms. And our forefathers had laid their claim on it through good means so it lasts. If men tend to exploit this freedom, then women will move towards disrespecting the same freedom. Thus a female naxalite/terrorist is born. The country does let you own a licensed arm, but why would I care for the country if I am treated like an object and not its citizen?? The society does have a great deal to do with this issue. Besides, once she begins to hate, she hates. And puts her superior intelligence to good use in effacement.
The second issue. The Mumbai terror attacks. It is plain and simple. Imagine a kindergarten class. There is a nice looking, good to hold pencil. Only one. And two little boys are fighting over it. The fight gets out of hand and the pencil breaks. Now neither of them want the pencil, for it doesn’t look good broken. But then a third boy, promises this quick fix adhesive that can fix the two broken pieces and bring the beauty back to life. So it starts all over again. They start pinching and punching and all that. All this while, the teacher is conducting this math test, ‘write 1-100’ she says and the third kid with his much used economic pencil finishes first. And while these two kids are caught fighting, they typically play the blame game. Final result – our two contenders fail, and the third kid gets an A+. ‘Teachers pet, is that you? –Yes, yes, yes!’ It is only co-incidental that the first kid is an Indian, the second a paki, the third a Chinky and the teacher is obviously white.
(I know it sounds racist, aren’t we all!?)
Now I know there is nothing wrong with the world. Even if the woman terrorist is caught, she will be abused, and even if the two kids are promoted with warning, they will never learn from their mistakes and let the teacher shower praises and accolades over the third kid.
It is about time life got back to being crazy
Okay! So I haven’t been the regular blog posting author and this blog hasn’t had its best year. But this is as Frosty as Frost can get.
The holidays are definitely the most confusing of times. You are either planning your vacation and get confused with a dozen options. Or you are planning a party and go bonkers. Or if you are Indian you have a dozen weddings to attend and would definitely not want to repeat your attire!
While the rest of the world is confused about wrapping paper and finding the perfect party delight, I decide to do follow my heart. My heart says “Spend a Lazy Week!!!” and so be it!
Lazy Week starts today (25/12). And what is it all about? Sleep, eat, procrastinate and laze around. A lazy mind is the devil’s workshop. And I have to agree. That explains a lot of things. Mostly that I have been extraordinarily naughty (am sure at least Sailu will have to agree! That woman, she makes me go weak in knee ) the rest of my minds work is listed below.
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Well this is one of my favorite. And if I can have my way through I might as well get it done. The parents will most of the time reflect “oh no! She isn’t even serious about anything in life, so even contemplating about becoming serious will be a groundbreaking impossible mission blah blah blah.”
So to prove myself, I start on how I am extremely serious about the Lazy Week. And then this strikes me. I don’t want to be Jayasree Bhargavan any more. I mean I have had the name for a quarter of century and I like it. But I want something more fun. Like Calvin! Or Tweety! And then I figured it out. The only name I could associate myself with was Shadow Da’Sparrow (sounding “Shadow the Sparrow”). Apt. I lurk in the shadows of the darkest night, am nocturnal and have the attention span, patience and perseverance of the sparrow. And guess what, if you are a friend, you really can’t spot me when you want to – just like a sparrow, but you know I am there – just like a shadow. (I should really start dialogues for serials.)
So I break the news to the folks. If they ever had any thought of me metamorphosing into being a good daughter, they have now concluded that I am nothing more than an embarrassment. I should not be allowed out of home and am extremely hazardous to the wellbeing of all man kind.
I shall henceforth (not legally though) be known as Shadow Da’Sparrow. (I could even start writing the chronicles/adventures of Shadow Da’Sparrow ala Don Quixote)
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So this friend of mine, the best friend rather, my soul mate, Babbloo has gone to the extent of ranting about his life so much that his parents decide to show him that things can get worse. They decide to get him married. Lol! And everything is almost fixed. Families are all aware and approve. The whole community knows of this, except for Babbloo! Obviously this causes paranoia. And like my most obedient pet, he comes running to me when in times of trouble. I tell him to go have fun, eat some bhajji-sojji, ask the girl to sing and dance, chat away and be a good boy. And for company if need be, Shadow Da’Sparrow will be more than willing to go and eat some bhajjis.
And this was what made Babbloo look up to the good things in life. Apparently no man in his senses would want to have bhajji with Shadow Da’Sparrow or someone with a name so hatke (read ‘mokkai’, its ok if you don’t understand this part.) And so he decides to rename himself to Vinay the Pooh! (though I don’t think that it comes anywhere close to Shadow Da’Sparrow). This makes me extremely wanted by two families.
(if you know this guy, you shall refrain from making any comments/hints to him on this topic. Shadow Da’Sparrow will not spare anyone who makes any such effort!)
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Now about Lazy week. I recommend it all people. Everyone must do this. It’s all about sleeping 18+hours, skipping baths (spare if someone actually pours a bucket of water over your head); sometimes even skip brushing your teeth. It is about keeping everything with in hands reach, or calling out and getting that much needed glass of water, or maybe even call for help to switch on the lights, just so you don’t get out of bed. It is all about letting the bed be your cocoon.
You may need extremely tolerant and patient family member/roommates for it. You may also need to move/have a TV in you room, a big side table to hold your laptop/water/food (this is really not needed if u are a seasoned lazy person). And you should love procrastinating.
I would love to have written about this later, but I need to – just so I know I didn’t completely be lazy and my be-lazy plan actually failed (like the others did).The plus side for all this is well, my brains are definitely working well, even better than ever before and my family is more than happy that I am staying out of their hair.
For those of you still alive out there, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.
Stay Alive and Stay Lazy.
PS:
Shadow Da’Sparrow will not be available on phone, email, social networks or in person until after the new-year’s. All of the above are working fine; its just Shadow Da’Sparrow is too lazy to even bother.
Focus = Hocus Pocus
Dreaming of what I can put across as the days of yore, those dreamy eyed days, where everything from the zephyrs to the rains seemed beautiful, I wake up to harsh reality. It has been terribly long since I dreamt.
And it takes a good friend to remind me of it. I have spoken about how one should pursue their dreams, and thereby their ambitions and make their own destiny. Sadly, in this day, I have lost, in pursuit of my many other dreams, track of the one dream that I for ages held close to my heart. It may be simply because I have lost my daily dose of poetry and music, but it was my favourite dream after all.
Dear friend of mine, well-wisher and harsh critic, reminds me to pursue the dream with all the zeal that I dreamt with. But fear grips, and apprehension overwhelms.
I am not sure of whether I will be able to do what is required of me. But nevertheless I will cherish and hold it close to my heart, for it is always something that my dear friend will remember me for.
What if I really don’t want to live?
Chronicling every time that the mind changes its track is not a good reason to write. For some it is all about happiness and for others it is just the opposite.
The feeling of happiness or sadness depends on perspective. For some life is always sad, the happy moments are just when sadness is on a low.
No one incident can give you a happiness that lasts for life nor can any relationship. It is relationships and incidents that are caused due to these incidents that lead to all that is sad or happy.
How about ending all that is sad and happy and living a nonchalant life. A nonchalant-life — an oxymoron in itself. Putting an end to happiness or sorrow in ones life is putting an end to ones life itself.
And that is when I decided to do it. But I have no clue of how to. May be I will kiss every one goodbye for the very last time and walk out through the door never to return. Or maybe I will sit them down and ask them how should I plan my death, what would make things easy for them? Would that be the same as making things easy for me?
Ending ones life is what most people call as an act of cowardice. Why? Is it because they care enough of themselves to not let anything/anyone else, be it cancer or a drunk driver, decide their fate? Or is it because they realise that the world is after all not their cup of tea and they are meant for better things? For me it is just to relieve myself of the never ending melodrama called life. I don’t recall not being given a chance to decide if I want to live the drama or not, but the decision is taken.
To Catch A Smile.
There are often a lot of requests and favours and the like that everyone has to entertain in life. And from those we chose what we can do – mostly because we want to and/or it is nice. Now there are lot of suggestions/concerns/requests that come in through this blog, and “to catch a smile” was one that I enjoyed. Vivek’s request was that I read his book and review it – thanks for the book!!!
Now the review! What do you get when you combine an Engg. Degree and a PGDBA from IIM-A ? A guy who writes a book? I haven’t researched as yet, but mostly these mba grads write a lot (sometimes a lot equals nothing). Hardly a few of this species make a good read. “To catch a smile” is a first attempt and a good one I must add. 23 short stories that the author says arouse feeling in something that could be passed as mundane. Now when one student asks another for a pen in a classroom, it could be simply put as a sentence, most engineering graduates would make a paragraph of the same to pass in the English paper, and then there are the imaginative ones, who would build a story around it. It could be short, long, or even a screenplay. That is the essence of story telling.
In my first sitting I read three short stories. The thing with short stories is they are – short. The leave you in a jiffy; they leave you wanting for more; the three stories did, and soon the others too. The author surely got his recipe to short stories right. And once I finished the book, I realised that the stories improved, in context, in imagination, in personalities, in theme and in portrayal. And slowly but steadily, what could have passed as a conversation went on to become a short story.
Some of the lines that the author came up with are worth mentioning, mostly because I dare to assume, it comes from his heart, and also because it feels good.
“I wrote my first story to impress someone, and then wrote the subsequent ones to please myself”
“Life can be strange. So strange that it becomes funny, often unintentionally.”
“You begin to find good things in others only when you are told nice things about yourself”
And a book review often ends with a rating, I would rather deal with a recommendation – to readers who want to do some casual reading, enjoy light hearted conversations between characters and go through the simple incidents that, am sure one has experienced in ones life.
Also recommended to those who are bored with reading short stories that probably are equivalent of chapters, these stories are Short! : )
*You can only find the book for purchase online at India Plaza, and if you want to get more about the book, visit tocatchasmile<dot>com
