What if I really don’t want to live?
Chronicling every time that the mind changes its track is not a good reason to write. For some it is all about happiness and for others it is just the opposite.
The feeling of happiness or sadness depends on perspective. For some life is always sad, the happy moments are just when sadness is on a low.
No one incident can give you a happiness that lasts for life nor can any relationship. It is relationships and incidents that are caused due to these incidents that lead to all that is sad or happy.
How about ending all that is sad and happy and living a nonchalant life. A nonchalant-life — an oxymoron in itself. Putting an end to happiness or sorrow in ones life is putting an end to ones life itself.
And that is when I decided to do it. But I have no clue of how to. May be I will kiss every one goodbye for the very last time and walk out through the door never to return. Or maybe I will sit them down and ask them how should I plan my death, what would make things easy for them? Would that be the same as making things easy for me?
Ending ones life is what most people call as an act of cowardice. Why? Is it because they care enough of themselves to not let anything/anyone else, be it cancer or a drunk driver, decide their fate? Or is it because they realise that the world is after all not their cup of tea and they are meant for better things? For me it is just to relieve myself of the never ending melodrama called life. I don’t recall not being given a chance to decide if I want to live the drama or not, but the decision is taken.
