Through out my entire life, I have had a partner. Even if you look at all of the photos of me as a baby, you will find my partner in them. Me and my anger.
There are photos of me as a chubby cherub smiling, looking out adoringly at my parents, then there are also photos of me as pissed off as a monster. My Mother remembers every smile and every frown that my sister and I have ever had. So, she does have a reason for those angry photos as well. These have included having my chubby cheeks pinched or being in the company of someone I didn’t like.
As I grew so did my anger. I threw tantrums, along with whatever I could get my hands on. And once, I remember being so damn angry with my father, that I ended up shredding his scooter’s seat cover to shreds. You would think my parents would take me to task, ground me, advise me, or even take me to a counsellor. But no, they did not do any of this. I remember the day I actually shredded the scooter seat. My Father came by saw it and then as cool as he was before, walked back inside. I just grew even more furious.
They say that Time is Magic. And as Time has gone by, my advanced age has now taught me some things about my partner and my parents. My Father was actually a genius that day. If he had come by to cajole me or scolded me or anything else, it would have had no effect on me. If some one had indeed spoken to me, it would have been white noise to me. But today I remember he walked away, not one word spoken. And that is what I learnt – he had patience and dealt with it with an adept coolness that I lack to this day. I did pay for the seat cover through instalments from my allowance as well.
I can’t say that I have broken up with my partner. It is not easy to give up a partner who has traced every path you have taken in life so far. Today my partnership with anger is more mature. It is not as tempestuous as before. It is more of a silent storm, that generates a lot more energy than destruction. Anger drives me to do more, achieve more and succeed more than before. Now, anger and I have a relationship that is more productive than ever before. There are no more tantrums, no more destroying things, no more shouting. There is, however, a drive; the need to disprove and dispel negativity; the persistent urge to succeed. Anger has become a perfect partner.
Retrospection is a funny thing indeed!